Tsunami

Y'all have gotta get more insane about platonic relationships like you are about romantic relationships. We need to get more annoying about them NOW. I need to see more meta and losing our minds over them. Get more annoying NOW. More than that. More than that also.

One day I will stop falling in love with you. Until I do, I'll be thinking of you.

k.b. // laufey, philharmonia orchestra - let you break my heart again

time wasnt right

there is dust

in my childhood bedroom

cobwebs span the corners

reaching out

to touch

the abandoned walls

everything is covered in dust

my books

my floor

my collections, long since abandoned

touch anything and you'll

come away

with gray residue

reminiscent of a life once lived

only

i am still here

living

right?

or am i, too

covered in dust

a relic

of a former girl

this isnt how life is supposed to be

you told me that daisies

are your favorite flower

and i had to fight the urge

to plant a bouquet

of them in my lungs.

i want to cough up

petals and stems

when you smile at me.

i want to be so full of

your favorite things

that i forget how to breathe.

-mars

Good Person

am I a good person?

a question that I fear

it haunts my waking nightmares with its overwhelming aura

a ring light made of noise

a circle made of hurt

it trembles when I consider that it really could be true

I am a good person?

I don't think I believe

it's hard for me to fathom that I really could have worth

a currency of questions

a stock market of deeds

it pains me just to realize that I am a person, too

she texted me minutes after i posted this so

who's delulu now

disappointment

when my phone buzzes

and it is his name

and not hers

why didnt anybody tell me

that growing up

got so hard

anxiety

my mother told me i had to go to the dentist on monday

cue the instant anxiety attack

you would think

my parents

who love me

would take my anxiety seriously

"stop complaining"

"you're pitching a fit"

"i don't want to hear it"

"you have to go"

they treat me like a child

throwing a temper tantrum

i've had anxiety my whole life

and they don't care

and now im crying

i emailed my teacher to get an extension on an assignment

(all that's left to do is color)

and the email sent prematurely (just without a closing)

and now that's just making my anxiety worse

and im spiraling

spiraling

spiraling

spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling

...

maybe i should just go to bed

therapy

it was so easy to blame my parents

for not getting me help

for not noticing that i needed it

i blamed them so i did not have to blame myself

for not advocating

for being scared

for disregarding all the advice i give to other people

but now they noticed

and im still scared

and what i've thought i needed for so long

maybe won't work after all