Maybe This silly Little Coffee Drink Will Equip Me To Face The Unrelenting And Unendurable Horror Of

Pumpkin Shaped Dinner Rolls

“On Halloween night, the Great Pumpkin rises from his pumpkin patch and flies through the air with his bag of toys to [give to] all the children.” - Linus, It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!

Happy Halloween everyone! I’ve been a huge fan of Charlie Brown for as long as I can remember. Every year, my family watches the specials on TV and I must have read each volume in my grandmother’s massive collection at least three times.

So, when I saw this tumblr post late last year, I knew exactly what I wanted to make for Halloween this year… but with a twist! After some trial and error, I’ve found a way to add cinnamon/pumpkin spice sugar to these rolls while avoiding a massive pocket of it.

So, grab your fall-themed drink of choice and check out below for how to make a batch of these delicious pull-apart dinner rolls for yourself! The great pumpkin may just pay you a visit for your troubles…

(Based on the post by Chef John from All Recipes and the tumblr post linked above.)

Keep reading

We need to embrace the fact that the tumblr userbase is aging. What’s everybody’s favorite kitchen appliance?

Dwarven Flatbread

According to folklore, these tasty flat loaves weren’t created in the kitchen, but rather at the forge as ever-industrious, hungry dwarven craftsmen utilized the only materials they had available: flour, oil, water, salt, a hearth, and a hammer.” - Heroes’ Feast, p. 103

I've been interested in making flatbread for about a year now but always felt strangely intimidated by it. It wasn’t until I found this recipe and saw how quickly and simply it could be done that I decided to give it a shot.

Simple yet absolutely delicious, this wonderfully seasoned flatbread has just enough of a spice kick for it to stand out on its own or when eaten with the Fire Lichen Spread (p. 93) or a tzatziki dip!

Previously attempted by @afinickyguide, this review looks to take their suggestions to heart while also adding some of my own!

See below for my notes on the results and for some helpful tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Prep time: ~5 mins           Cook time: ~40 mins           Overall: ~45 mins

For the ingredients:

1 ½ cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting

1 ½ tsp. baking powder

½ tsp. baking soda

1 ½ tsp. kosher salt*

2 ½ tsp. dried herb blend (such as Italian seasoning, herbes de Provence, or za’atar), crushed **

3 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil

⅔ cup plain low-fat Greek yogurt or whole milk***

¼ cup neutral-tasting oil, such as vegetable, canola, safflower, or grapeseed

* This is way too much salt. Use half of this amount (¾ tsp.).

** I didn’t have any Italian seasoning, so I used ½ tsp. each of dried basil, oregano, rosemary, thyme, and marjoram as well as ¼ tsp. red pepper flakes (modified from here)

*** I used 2% plain greek yogurt.

I use the following conversions in my cooking:

1 ½ cups all-purpose flour = 188 g

1 ½ tsp. baking powder = 6 g

½ tsp. baking soda = 4 g

1 ½ tsp. kosher salt = 8 g

½ tsp. dried rosemary = 1 g

½ tsp. dried basil = 0.5 g

½ tsp. dried oregano = 0.5 g

½ tsp. dried thyme = 0.5 g

½ tsp. dried marjoram leaves = 0.25 g

¼ tsp. red pepper flakes = 0.5 g

3 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil = 44 ml

⅔ cup plain low-fat Greek yogurt = 158 ml

¼ cup neutral-tasting oil = 60 ml

Above shows the dry ingredients whisked together with a well in the center for the greek yogurt and olive oil.

Again, when I made these the first time 1 ½ tsp. kosher salt was way too much. I made them again using half the amount (¾ tsp.) and they tasted much better.

Above is what the dough looked like after combining it with a wooden spoon and then working it by hand to create a shaggy dough.

The dough will be very dry and have lots of crumbly bits. Don’t worry! As you knead it into a smooth ball, the dough will become wetter and everything will incorporate nicely.

Above is what the dough looked like after kneading to make it smooth - about 5-6 minutes. You’ll know the dough is ready when it springs back after lightly pressing into it.

Although the dough will become tackier as you knead it, try not to add any more flour. Dough, in general, will absorb any extra flour you give it and though it might make it slightly easier to handle, the bread will become denser as a result.

Personally, I found the dough didn’t stick much to my bread board and when it did it was easy enough to handle with just a bench scraper.

The following link is a great resource to develop your technique for kneading bread. With the first technique, you use the heel of your hand to press into the dough, then fold it back into itself, turn it, and repeat. Using the second technique, you roll the dough with the heel of your hand in a “heart” motion.

Above is what the dough looked like after being divided into 8 equal portions and left to rest for 15 minutes under a clean kitchen towel. The smooth dough weighed around 400 g and divided nicely into 50 g portions.

Although you will notice the dough has expanded after resting, don’t expect as drastic a change as yeasted dough.

With the amount of dough in each portion, rolling it to 7 inches in diameter turned it into paper and gave it “cracker-like results” according to @afinickyguide‘s post. So, I opted to roll them to 5 inches in diameter and just under ¼ of an inch thick.

If you’d really like some larger flatbread, I would recommend taking @afinickyguide‘s suggestion and doubling the recipe to create 8 larger portions that could be rolled into 7-inch circles.

I found the cooking times in Heroes’ Feast to be way too long. When I originally tried frying it for 2.5 minutes, it turned out super burned when I flipped it - and that was before the pan had accumulated heat!

I would suggest the following cooking times for this recipe (using flatbread rolled to 5 inches in diameter):

While the pan is heating up, cook the first flatbread for ~90 secs on the first side and 60 secs on the other

For the second, cook for 30 seconds on the first side and 20 on the other

For each one after, cook for 15 seconds on the first side and 10 on the other

Also, don’t replenish the pan with 1 ½ tsp. oil for each flatbread if following my instructions! There was so much oil left after each one that it’s much better to swirl around and reuse the leftover oil in the pan. Only add ~½ tsp. more if you notice the oil level running low.

NOTE: I used a cast-iron skillet to cook my flatbread. Timings will vary based on the type of pan you use.

Overall, I give this flatbread a 5/5. After the adjustment of the salt content, these were delicious to eat both on their own, with a tzatziki dip, or with the Fire Lichen Spread (p. 93).

Although I can’t comment on how they would taste with store-bought Italian seasoning, the one I used (listed in the ingredients section) worked amazingly!

For best freshness results, wrap in plastic wrap or store in a reusable sandwich back and keep in the fridge. They will last up to a week in the fridge. To reheat, either leave them on the counter for half an hour before using or microwave them for 10 seconds at a time until soft.

Delzoun "Tide-Me-Overs"

“While these are customary consumables at Hornmoot, the traditional human-dwarven trading festival that marks the dawn of Spring, there isn’t a holiday on the eventful dwarven calendar that doesn’t feature these scrumptious meats on the menu.” - Heroes’ Feast, p. 90

Personally, you’d be hard-pressed to find a more dwarven food than the good old-fashioned meatball. 

Heroes’ Feast’s Delzoun “Tide-Me-Overs” bring dwarven kitchens to life with these extremely tasty and juicy meatballs! Leagues better than anything you’d buy at the grocery store, I would absolutely suggest making these yourself.

This recipe is also ridiculously forgiving. Once, I doubled nearly all the ingredients by accident, aside from the meat, and they still came out amazing!

If you don’t eat pork, no worries! They’re just as tasty using only beef!

Check out below for tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Prep: 15 mins            Cook: 1h 30 mins            Total: 1h 45 mins

Ingredients:

¼ cup (60 ml) heavy cream*

1 egg

2 slices dark bread (such as rye), crusts discharged, remainder torn into pieces**

3 tbsp. (43 g) unsalted butter

1 small onion, finely chopped

Kosher salt

¼ tsp. (2 g) ground allspice 

8 oz (225 g) ground pork

8 oz (225 g) lean ground beef

Freshly ground black pepper

2 tbsp. (8 g) all-purpose flour

1 ½ cups (350 ml) low-sodium chicken broth

1 tsp. (4 g) light brown sugar

1 ½ tsp. (7 ml) soy sauce

½ tsp. (2 ml) fresh lemon juice

3 tbsp. (12 g) finely chopped fresh dill or parsley

* I’ve used both heavy cream and half-and-half with no issues.

** I used Vienna-style Pumpernickel Bread, cut into standard ½ -inch sandwich slices at the thickest part of the loaf.

In a large bowl, whisk together the cream and egg (top-left).

Add the bread, mix well, and set aside, stirring occasionally, until the bread is softened, about 20 minutes (top-right).

Using a fork or sturdy spoon, mash the bread into a paste and set aside (bottom).

NOTE: Apparently, the bread is not what binds the meat/other ingredients together, but works with the milk to give the meatballs moisture and texture! The eggs are the only binding ingredient.

In hindsight, this makes sense, since in baking eggs are a binder…

Meanwhile, in a skillet over medium heat, melt 1 tbsp. (14 g) of the butter. Add the onion and ½ tsp. (3 g) salt and cook, stirring, until softened, about 4 minutes (left).

Add the allspice and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 40 seconds (right).

Remove from heat and let them cool to room temperature. Laying mine in a single layer in the skillet, it took about 10 minutes.

TIP: Don’t be afraid to eat some of the onions to see if they’ve softened enough.

TIP: Cooling my onions in a single layer in the skillet took about 10 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 475℉ (245℃) with a wire rack in the middle of the oven. Coat a large wire rack with nonstick cooking spray and set it in a large, rimmed baking sheet.

Add the cooled onion mixture, pork, ground beef, baking powder, 1 tsp. (5 g) salt and ½ tsp. (1 g) pepper to the bread paste and, using a large spoon or your hands, mix until well combined and uniform.

TIP: To save yourself time when doing the dishes, line the baking sheet with aluminum foil so you don’t need to scrape any burned bits off.

NOTE: Personally, I didn’t run into this problem while making mine, but it’s important to only mix the meat mixture until everything is just combined. Overmixing will result in stiffer, tougher meatballs.

With moistened hands, form the mixture into generous 1-tablespoon-sized balls (left).

Arrange the meatballs on the rack in the baking sheet and bake until lightly browned, about 20 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through (right).

NOTE: I had to make double the amount of pork/beef meatballs since 8 oz packages of each ground meat were not available. Expect about half the amount of meatballs that you see here if making this yourself.

NOTE: The meatballs will sag through the wire rack a little bit when placed, this is fine!

NOTE: The ones shown above are the size Heroes’ Feast recommends. I wanted them to be a little bit larger the second time I made them, so I went for golf-ball sized. The cooking time stayed the same, but I found the weight of them might have been a bit too much and they lost way more structure than the smaller ones. 

However, that was also the time I accidentally doubled all the ingredients aside from the meat, so I’m sure there was more at play there. Just something to keep in mind. They still came out great though! In fact, they’re the ones shown in the final picture.

Wipe out the skillet used for the onions to remove any stray onion bits, set it over medium heat, and melt the remaining 2 tbsp. (28 g) butter. Stirring constantly, cook until fragrant and a shade darker, 1 to 2 minutes.

Add flour and cook, stirring constantly, until golden, 2 to 3 minutes (top-left).

Switch to a whisk and, whisking constantly, gradually add the broth. Continuing to whisk often, cook for about 2 minutes (top-right).

Add the brown sugar, soy sauce, lemon juice, and ¼ tsp. (0.5 g) pepper and continue to whisk and cook until thickened, about 2 more minutes (bottom).

NOTE: The Heroes’ Feast “cook’s notes” mentions that the sauce will thicken quickly as it cools, and to add extra chicken broth to loosen the consistency.

They’re absolutely right! It’s more obvious in the next pictures but the sauce thickens a lot. It’s also a lot darker than what’s shown in the preview image in the book, so I’m not sure how much extra broth they had to add, but it seems like quite a bit.

Add meatballs to the sauce and simmer, stirring occasionally, until heated through, about 4 minutes (left).

Stir in most of the dill or parsley and taste and adjust the seasoning with additional salt and pepper, if necessary (right).

Transfer to a serving dish, sprinkle with remaining dill or parsley, and serve hot.

Overall, I would give this recipe a 5/5. It was a little daunting since the ingredients list was so long, but once I got started making the meatballs it was actually remarkably simple! They’re really juicy, have great texture, and the allspice-seasoned onions are so tasty!

The sauce is a little awkward to make, but it does add amazing flavour. But, again, the meatballs retained so much moisture you don’t really need a sauce to enjoy them!

Honestly, if you have the time and are sick of store-bought meatballs, definitely give these a try. 

Finally, as I mentioned earlier, you can totally make these with only beef (shown in the final picture above)! They’ll still retain quite a bit of moisture and be super delicious.

1 table spoon vanilla abstract

Yawning Portal Buttermilk Biscuits

While the inn’s undisputed main attraction is the cavernous portal that descends straight into deadly Undermountain dungeon, these famed biscuits are a close second. - Heroes’ Feast, p. 31

I’ve always wanted to make biscuits, but was never motivated enough on a Sunday morning to take the time to prep and clean my bread board to knead dough. So, it was a wonderful surprise  when I saw this no-knead recipe for biscuits in Heroes’ Feast!

Crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside, these biscuits are so melt-in-your-mouth delicious that you’ll throw away any other recipe you have.  Whether eaten warm, at room temperature, or a day or two later, they are an amazing on-the-go breakfast snack that pairs well with any jam.

To really spice up your morning, try them with a side of Otik’s Skillet-Fried Spiced Potatoes!

See below for my notes on the results and for some helpful tips and tricks when making these yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Prep Time:  ~20 mins         Cook Time: ~50 mins (30 bake, 20 cool)        Total Time: ~1h 10min

For the ingredients:

12 tbsp. unsalted butter (2 tbsp. at room temp. 10 tbsp. chilled)

3 ½ cups all-purpose flour

1 ½ tsp. baking powder

½ tsp. baking soda

1.25 tsp. kosher salt

1 ½ tsp. sugar

1 2/3 cups buttermilk

I use the following conversion in my cooking:

1 cup all-purpose flour = 125 g

1 tbsp. butter = 14 g

1 tsp. sugar = 4 g

1 tsp. baking powder = 4 g

1 tsp. baking soda = 8 g

1 tsp. kosher salt = 6 g

TIP: If you don’t have unsalted butter, lower the salt content by ~1/3 tsp (2 g).

Above is what the dry ingredients looked like after I broke up the chilled cubed butter into pea-sized pieces.

TIP: Cut your butter into cubes and store it in the fridge until you add it to the dry ingredients. The colder the butter is (without freezing!), the better the pockets of buttery-goodness will turn out.

Above is what the dough looked like after adding the buttermilk. Be aware, it will be a very sticky dough.

Sometimes, you might find that there’s a little bit of flour at the bottom of the bowl that won’t mix in.  This is okay! Just put in in the baking dish with the rest of the dough.

Heroes’ Feast mentions doing this, but I want to reinforce that it is very important to grease the spatula before scoring the biscuit dough. The dough is incredibly sticky and will be a nightmare to deal with if using an ungreased spatula.

I don’t have my 8 x 8 pan with me right now, but I do have a 7 x 11 x 2 glass dish. To account for both the dough being shallower and the baking dish being made of glass, I decreased the cooking time by 6 minutes.

While making these, I found that you don’t need to flour your hands and push the dough to the corners of the pan. If you have a strong enough silicone spatula, you can easily grease it and move the dough around that way. No need to get your hands dirty!

Don’t forget to rotate the baking dish halfway through cooking!

Above is what the biscuits looked like after they came out of the oven and were brushed with butter.

TIP: To remove the biscuits from the baking dish with as little hassle as possible, place a large cutting board over the baking pan and invert it onto the board. The biscuits will slide out easily and you can transfer them to the cooling rack from there.

Overall, I would give these biscuits a 5/5. They’ve quickly become a Sunday morning staple and I always have to stop my family from eating them before they cool-down!

If you’re planning on having them with jam, I’d recommend not adding any more butter. The butter content is so high that they don’t need any more of it.

For best freshness results, store them in a paper bag on your kitchen counter. They will keep for 2-3 days.

A dishwasher that turns tupperware lids into socks that you don't own