Every Day I Start Kinning This Man More

Every day I start kinning this man more

Thinking about how badly Andrew must’ve wanted to be known. For someone to actually notice things about him and be curious and piece all these observations together. Like. The truth game was just as much about wanting to know things about Neil as him wanting Neil to know him. And even without the truth game being evoked, when he knows what answers Neil must be digging for, he gives in more often than not. I think about how when Neil started noticing Andrew’s odd memory, especially when Neil believed him not to be paying attention and when Neil started finally asking questions, and how quickly Andrew answered them, how he must’ve been thinking, finally.

How much he wanted to be known and by someone he knew by now he could trust. Someone he knew could understand him and the implications of things he’s told. Someone he could tell his own secrets and things he’s been keeping to himself. Everything he let other people assume or misunderstand about him. This little nobody runaway is paying attention, piecing it together, understanding in a way that no one has ever been willing to do, not even his own twin. And when Aaron and Nicky asks him when this happened or other variations of the questions Neil’s already solved himself, and Andrew tells them they should’ve figured them out himself.

The way Neil was the first person to take him at his word, especially about something that wasn’t violence. To look further into him and the things he says and does and actually try to understand him. Not just write him off as a violent psychopath who does things for his own pleasure. The way Andrew wanted him to see more of him and understand him. And I just. My mind is tangles. But I want to go on about this forever.