The Virgin Mainstream Anglophone Pop Artist: DO NOT Do Things To Ur Appearance That I Can Notice, Girl.

you know how I know you’re gay?

Went to Costco for my updated booster+flu shot. Pharmacist asks me if I've had any vaccines in the past 4 weeks. Yes, I reply. Which one, she asks? Monkeypox, baby 🏳️‍🌈

I sway, in place,

Here is a list of 10 Black artists/bands you might enjoy if you're millennial indie trash like me, roughly in order from better to lesser known and accompanied by a single song rec. There are, of course, more than 10 Black indie artists I listen to and even more that exist (and lots more songs just by these artists/bands!), so please do drop your recs in the comments.

(and yes "indie" means very little but whatever you know what I means it's vibes OK?!?)

Artist: Solange Jumping-off point song: Losing You Yeah, she's Beyonce's younger sister and fairly famous, but hear me out: I feel like she is perceived as overexposed as a result and therefore is sometimes dismissed as an artist. She really is fantastic and has her own thing going. I honestly don't think her singing voice sounds anything like the other Knowles's. Her style is definitely unique, too.

Band: Bloc Party Jumping-off point song: Flux You may know at least one song by them, even if you don't realize it. They've been featured on video games like Need for Speed Pro Street, FIFA 06, Burnout Revenge, and Guitar Hero 3, as well as TV shows like Skins, Waterloo Road, and How I Met Your Mother. The frontman, Kele Okereke, has also released his own solo stuff.

Artist: Santigold Jumping-off point song: Disparate Youth Formerly known as Santogold, she's opened for acts ranging from The Beastie Boys to MIA and Bjork, plus she was name-dropped by Beyonce in Break My Soul (The Queens Remix).

Band: TV on the Radio Jumping-off point song: Young Liars They've been one my faves since the first day I heard them ~20 years ago and have stayed in the rotation ever since.

Band: Alabama Shakes Jumping-off point song: Don't Wanna Fight The band is on indefinite hiatus for a lot of reasons ranging from messy to objectively awful. That said, what a fantastic and highly influential band, especially considering how relatively short-lived and recent its existence was.

Artist: Ekkstacy Jumping-off point song: i walk this earth all by myself For the record, Ekkstacy himself has expressed annoyance at the comparison. But! The first time I heard him, I immediately was reminded of Bloc Party in a good way, and I'm not the only one.

Band: Black Kids Jumping-off point song: I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You The first time I came across this band, I was convinced the band name was indie irony, like the band Girls. I was wrong. Also, the lyrics to their aforementioned biggest song is accidentally a transmasc mood.

Artist: Toro Y Moi Jumping-off point song: Talamak I've seen a lot of artists live, and his slot at Desert Daze is one of the best performances I've ever seen. The music is danceable and the lyrics poetic and thoughtful, yet unpretentious.

Artist: Yuno Jumping-off point song: No Going Back A man after my own heart, he mentions HIM’s Razorblade Romance and AFI’s Sing The Sorrow among the albums that have influenced him.

Artist: Blood Orange Jumping-off point song, more normal song edition: You're Not Good Enough Jumping-off point song, trippy glam edition: Uncle ACE This is the artist and song that inspired me to write this list, because I absolutely cannot get enough of both of these songs right now, so he gets two song recs. Fun fact: Dev Hynes has collaborated with Minimalist icon and ye olde meme Phillip Glass.

woke up this morning w/ this fully-formed in my brain [oc]

I'm pretty sure I peaked ~10 years ago. I made this meme while slacking off at work. Took me like 4 minutes in MS Paint (XP version).

[ toxic positivity, allusions to CSA/religious abuse ]

Inspirational speaker at work event, singing a song called It's a Gift: "All the people, in the prisons and cathedrals, we're all the saaaame."

My brain, immediately: "Definitely not the same. One place is full of thieves and abusers, and the other is a prison."

See also: "My pronouns are she, but not her…. I’ll never be her…"

I remain forever unconvinced that normality is normal.

I can't believe I've never shared this story with the Internet before. It's how something some random person I don't know and have never met will live in me forever.

It was sometime in the late 90's or early aughts. I was in my early adolescence, so between 11 and 14. I used to regularly read the PennySaver cover to cover. Why? For me, it was one of the few scattered little windows into what everyday life was like for non-famous people outside of my niche world. I also was a fast and voracious reader, but never had enough to read, especially not periodicals.

If you don't know what the Pennysaver is, it was analog Craigslist: That cheaply-printed newsprint booklet that no one subscribed to arrived in everyone's mailbox once a week. Certain ad types cost money to run, plus it ran ads. It was a more family-friendly weekly than, say, your LA Weeklies or, further up the West Coast, The Strangers. Also minus the journalism, I suppose, but there were gay people in it!

Anyway, one week, I'd read something in the PennySaver that started the slow process of catalyzing a change in my life for the better. It wasn't a wanted ad for something I had that turned out to be worth a lot of money. It wasn't a job listing that started my career. It wasn't even for a garage sale that had an item that ended up being important to me.

It was a w4m personal ad. As continues to be the case, those were much rarer than m4[literally anything]. The first sentence was "Thin may be in, but fat's where it's at!"

It was the first time I'd ever seen someone call themself fat in a way that wasn't at all negative, apologetic, or angry. This lady was saying hey, I'm fat! And I think it's a selling point even if the overall culture says it isn't!

I don't recall anything else about the ad other than that it was a woman seeking a man, and that the rest of it was unremarkable. It took a lot of other things to get me to a point of real, lasting comfort with my fatness, of course. But that little quip is stuck in my head for the rest of my life.

Thank you, random lady. I hope you're still alive, kicking, and happy. I hope you found as much love and/or miles of d1ck as you wanted, whether through the ad or by other means.

WE NEED MORE DANCING MUMMIES

There are fewer music videos featuring dancing mummies than I expected. 1997 had two, Around the World by Daft Punk and Everybody (Backstreet's Back) by Backstreet Boys. Nearly a quarter of a century went by until we had another, Nadiyon Paar (Let the Music Play Again) from the 2021 Bollywood movie Roohi.

Music videos that I expected to have Ancient Egypt-theming but don't for some reason (?!) are 1979's Egypt by Kate Bush (more modern Egypt/ruins-themed, OK fine) and, most surprisingly, 1986's Walk Like an Egyptian by The Bangles.

Granted, those were still relatively early days for music videos, but damn, Walk Like an Egyptian really phoned it in. Not even a little Cleopatra eyeliner for the performance or a picture of a pyramid projected on the background or something? Just a quick blink-and-you'll-miss-it flash for a few seconds of the four members of the Bangles in some really bad costumes that read more Temu Ancient Greek than anything? Weaksauce.

There are lots of music videos that are Ancient Egypt-themed but are sorely lacking in dancing mummies.

- King Tut by Steve Martin (1978) - Egypt (The Chains Are On) by Dio (1984), which is technically a concert recording (Live at The Spectrum 1984) but it's themed as fuck so it counts - Tut-Ench-Amon by Falco (1984) - Valley of the Kings by Blue Murder (1989) - Remember the Time by Michael Jackson (1992) - Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Could See by Busta Rhymes (1997) , which features a pastiche of themes but that's OK, it slaps - The Curse by Josh Ritter (2010) - Dark Horse by Katy Perry (2013)

Honorable mention: Suraj Hua Maddham from the 2001 Bollywood movie Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham. Because pyramids.