SPIDER GEORG!!!!

Ok, I’m immortal. I’ve fallen off so many cliffs that my adrenaline doesn’t even kick in anymore, I’ve accidentally ingested 5X the lethal dose of caffeine, I’ve accidentally drank bleach and wasn’t even nauseous (I said ‘2/10, wouldn’t try again’), Ive lost so much blood that I should’ve been at the ER but was just fine and cleaned it up, I’ve been hit by a semi truck (only like 25MPH tho, I still got knocked pretty far) and got up and was just really dizzy, etc.

I thought it was luck, but the lethal doses scratched that out. I thought it was plot armor, that was obviously out the window pretty quick. I thought it was one of the Eldritch deities I have the favor of (don’t ask, I’m not really sure how it happened either.) they didn’t do it. I was so confused… until I remembered

I always say ‘I LIVE OUT OF PURE SPITE FOR REALITY’

I CAN LITERALLY INFLUENCE REALITY IF I PUT IN ENOUGH EFFORT BUT I DIDNT REALIZE I COULD JUST FORCE SOME RULES OF REALITY TO NOT APPLY TO ME

IVE BEEN LITERALLY IMMORTAL OUT OF SPITE SINCE I WAS NINE- HOW DID THIS HAPPEN????

I had this idea about Phineas and Ferb:

Perry pays the bills and taxes, but one month he gets so caught up in work that he temporarily forgets.

The parents both thought that the other was paying all the bills, so then they’re like “wait…if IM not paying the bills, and YOURE not paying the bills…who is??”

And then the family finds Perry paying the bills and stuff, but he goes platypus mode and so he’s just like “krrrgrggg” and instead of going “WTF how is Perry paying the bills??” The family is just like

“awww! Thanks Perry, you’re such a good platypus!! Good boy, Perry!” 🥰🥰

So then if there’s a court case over the house and the judge is like “okay who pays the bills?” Both the parents sigh before going “bring him in, boys”

and Phineas & Ferb walk in holding Perry and the whole court’s like “what???”

And then they show a video of Perry paying the pills & Taxes and the courts like:

“YOU ARENT EVEN QUESTIONING WHY YOUR PET PLATYPUS IS PAYING THE BILLS??? WHERE DOES HE GET THE MONEY??” And the whole family just shrugs and is like “we were worried that if we questioned him he might think he’s not supposed to do that, so we just gave him some yummy treats and called him a good boy :]”

I need this on my page *Yoinks*

Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation

Just to have this on my blog so I can find it easily

the suffering never ends

My half Irish, Celtic self: :0 *Neuron Activation*

Unironically I do really love everything potato lol :3

hello,

potato fries

potato chips

potato wedges

baked potato

loaded baked potato

curly fries (potato)

steak fries (potato)

tater tots (potato)

mashed potatoes

hash browns (potato)

gnocchi (potato) (advanced potato)

please let me know if I'm going too fast

I'll be so honest right now the thing I love about everyone not caring or congratulating the guy who downed the UnitedHealthcare CEO is that this will inspire other "copycats" if you know what I mean.

There are people who have nothing left to lose, people who want to make a mark in history, people who would want to be known nationwide, people who see through the NYPD's bluff and realize that they can get away with ending a CEOs life when everybody wants you to get away.

I'm not promoting anything! But this is something that has been seen time and time again in history, soooo

ITS BEEN LESS THAN AN HOUR- GUYS PLS YOURE GONNA MAKE MY OLD ASS PHONE EXPLODE 😭😭😭😭

I had this idea about Phineas and Ferb:

Perry pays the bills and taxes, but one month he gets so caught up in work that he temporarily forgets.

The parents both thought that the other was paying all the bills, so then they’re like “wait…if IM not paying the bills, and YOURE not paying the bills…who is??”

And then the family finds Perry paying the bills and stuff, but he goes platypus mode and so he’s just like “krrrgrggg” and instead of going “WTF how is Perry paying the bills??” The family is just like

“awww! Thanks Perry, you’re such a good platypus!! Good boy, Perry!” 🥰🥰

So then if there’s a court case over the house and the judge is like “okay who pays the bills?” Both the parents sigh before going “bring him in, boys”

and Phineas & Ferb walk in holding Perry and the whole court’s like “what???”

And then they show a video of Perry paying the pills & Taxes and the courts like:

“YOU ARENT EVEN QUESTIONING WHY YOUR PET PLATYPUS IS PAYING THE BILLS??? WHERE DOES HE GET THE MONEY??” And the whole family just shrugs and is like “we were worried that if we questioned him he might think he’s not supposed to do that, so we just gave him some yummy treats and called him a good boy :]”

Vibing rn

in absolute tears about the pride module at my work

I may be a deity by textbook definition, but I still am striving to reach this level of power 😭

This.

Yuh 💅

I think at some point in time we need to sit down and start explaining to artist who want to make a career out of art that there are FAR more options than just "living off of commissions" and "posting my art online and praying I get paid for it".