Why Are The Bank/finance Bros Balding At 25

STAY SAFE!! [ID: the Gilbert Baker pride flag with the words “Happy pride to all those who are unable to celebrate openly and safely. You are loved and seen!” in all-caps black text over it. /end ID]

Sometimes I want to go live in Australia, but then I remember that the wildlife there is on steroids.

Do all those good deeds you do erase the fact that you're a terrible fucking human?

When my parents ask too 💀

"you read a lot, right?"

"yes!"

"what are some books you've read recently?"

"uhh i don't remember"

Fictional men who have the "it's ok to murder but it's never ok to disrespect your wife" energy >>>>

me: *hyperfixating on fictional character for hours before bed* wow, I sure hope I’ll dream about them

my dreams: *spider monster chasing me downtown*

I don't mean to alarm you, but I only throw curveballs in Pokemon Go. My finger dexterity is off the charts