Don’t People Notice That Even Though Sam And Dean Say They’re Writing An Article They Never Actually

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

hey do you have a tumblr

no sorry

There's so many disastrous opportunities involving Nico's ability to go into someone's dream. I'm picturing shortly after HoO Nico travels to Will's dream one night to deliver a message that for whatever reason can't wait until morning

And Nico stops in surprise because Will is sitting there on a grassy hill, apparently in the middle of a picnic on a perfect day, overlooking Camp Half Blood. But he's with someone. Someone very familiar. Almost like they're on a date...

And Will looks over and sees him and is like, "Wow. Two Nico di Angelos? Ohhh, so it's gonna be one of those dreams, huh? Weird by now I'd be wearing less clothes-"

And Nico is like. "What? No! I'm not part of- of whatever this is... I'm here to deliver a message-" Nico couldn't even begin to process what Will just said for fear his head would implode in embarrassment.

"Wait. You're the real Nico?"

"Yeah, I can travel through dreams sometimes. Now-"

"Since when?? You've never told me that! Oh gods. Oh no. You have to leave."

"Fine. I'm just here to tell you-" And then the scene shifts.

And suddenly instead of a nice picnic they're standing in the woods, facing each other. Now wearing traditional greek robes, holding hands. All their friends are there, sitting in neat little rows, all dressed as if this were a wedding or something. Wait... The decorations... the tree arch... these were wedding robes. It was a wedding.

"Do you, William Andrew Solace, take Nico di Angelo to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Asks Chiron, wearing a tuxedo from the waist up.

"Uhhh," Will glances at Nico awkwardly.

And Nico is again frozen in shock. And definitely blushing. And his heart is pounding so hard he thinks he's going to wake up any second. He yanks his hands away from Will.

"Kayla needs you in the infirmary." He blurts out.

"You couldn't wake me up to tell me this??" Will hisses, face red as a tomato.

"There was an accident and I shadow travelled away with Kayla and Harley and I kind of passed out- This was the fastest way-"

"Fine. Can you wake me up from here? Slap me awake or whatever?"

"Uh, maybe." Nico looked around. Usually dreams weren't so... detailed. "The easiest way is to shock you out of the dream. Catch you by surprise."

"Okay, uh, summon a monster!"

"Well, now you'll be expecting that." Nico rolled his eyes. Will scowled in response.

"Do something! If Kayla's in trouble-"

So, Nico kisses him. Partially because he knew it'd shock Will. Partially to shut him up. Partially because he just really wanted to kiss Will Solace and he had the perfect excuse to do it and he had to go for it before he lost his nerve-

It worked. Will's face was frozen in the most adorable surprised expression and the dream dissipated.

Will awoke in his bunk with a gasp and rushed to the infirmary, not even bothering to put on his sandles.

"He kissed me he kissed me he kissed me- oh gods he saw my vision of us getting married. Oh gods I told him I dream about him not wearing clothes. But he kissed me he kissed me he actually kissed-"

Running high on adrenaline he was relieved to see Kayla and Harley were mostly fine. Kayla had twisted her ankle pretty badly, though. Nico was still passed out.

"How did you know we were in here?" Kayla eventually asked.

"Nico told me. He, uh, can visit dreams." Will said as he convinced Harley to drink a little more nectar. Poor kid was only nine years old, too exhausted to talk. He would no doubt fall asleep any second.

"Wait. But lately all your dreams have been..."

"Snippets of the future? About him? I know, Kayla."

"You're blushing so hard right now. Ohmygods wait. Did he walk in during one of those dreams?"

"No! He... it was the wedding one."

"So now he knows you two get married in the future, huh?"

"As far as he knows it was just a dream, not a vision, got it?"

"Got it."

"Kayla, I'm serious-"

"Fine! Sheesh. I swear on the Styx I won't tell Nico it was anything more than a dream." Kayla crossed her arms. "Good luck convincing him to keep his mouth shut, though."

Harley smiled, already half asleep. "Will and Nico sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I... n.....g....." He started snoring softly.

Will tapped his chin thoughtfully. "You know if I give him a sedative he probably won't remember this conversation-"

"William Andrew Solace, don't you dare-"

good omens text post meme, part 3 (part 1) (part 2)

Inspired by this post!: https://profoundinqq.tumblr.com/post/636185431570104321/cas-i-pulled-your-motherfucking-ass-out-of-hell

apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office

Of seas and fleeting secrets

Flood me with your caresses, until I suffocate with pleasures, that your hands are promiscuous, when it comes to “wanting”.

Tame this burning fire as only you know how to channel. I burn like a forbidden star and your skin makes me bleed.

Paradises of fire, sipping your air, drinking your honey.

Give me the foam of your ocean as a door to paradise. I swim in you and about you, surrendered in your downpour.

Nectar of naked kisses, of primitive kisses. Geometry in a frenzy.

marttucca 2020 © Ousía Poetica ©

De mares y secretos fugaces

Inúndame con tus caricias, hasta asfixiarme de placeres, que tus manos son promiscuas, cuando se trata “de quereres”.

Doma este fuego encendido, como solo tú sabes encauzar. Ardo como astro prohibido y tu piel me hace sangrar.

Paraísos de fuego, sorbiendo tu aire, bebiendo tu miel.

Dame la espuma de tu océano, como puerta al paraíso. Nado en ti y sobre ti, rendida en tu aguacero.

Néctar de besos desnudos, de besos primitivos. Geometría en frenesí.

Publicado en revista literaria Poémame (España)

OWEN WILSON and STEVE COOGAN as JEDEDIAH and OCTAVIUS in the NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM trilogy

Bridgerton siblings as Brooklyn 99:

Anthony:

Benedict:

Colin:

Daphne:

Eloise:

Francesca:

Gregory:

Hyacinth: