Wwait Are Women Actually A Thing Or Were We All Jokjng This Whole Time Guys Please Tell Me

A sharp turn

HOLY MOLY I’VE JUST HAD A GORGEOUS IDEA. In my brain it’s so likely to work I think it really will. I need a rational mind to bounce my ideas off of because this is a ltitle too happy for my tastes and I’m feeling manic?? Or maybe this is just regular excitement and I’m not used to it.

My dad is not being my rational mind he is fanning the flames and thinks it may be possible as well is he delusional too or could this actually work

yukiko is so cute wouldn't you agree?

maybe a little

Who, me?

I’m not depressed. I don’t think I’m depressed. I don’t feel depressed.

So why does everything point to me being depressed? I can’t even keep up a personal blog, which kinda sucks :/

Recently, I stumbled upon a little text-adventure game that pretty much summed up how I was feeling for the last two years or so- I can definitely turn my life around, but I just don’t. Maybe it’s a choice. Maybe it’s something I can’t control. Who knows. I blame laziness, mostly, but I’d suppose that’s a bandaid on the entire situation. I’m probably just a coward for responsibility. Here’s the game, by the way: http://www.depressionquest.com/dqfinal.html

I guess I do have my moments where everything feels like it’ll turn around and I’ll have a completely new life and all that, but I don’t think I’ve ever followed through. Sure, I definitely can make things better, but sometimes things just don’t work out. 

Hope I can do what it takes, though- I’m really banking on the hope I can clean up my own mess and pick up my slack. Being able to make choices for myself I like, having the energy to accomplish simple tasks like doing my homework and agreeing to go out with my friends. It sounds so wonderful to live without this barrier. Please, please, please. God, I just need this one wish. I’d absolutely love to live with energy and the ability to go out and do what I want to, what’s good for me- God, please, I’m sorry I didn’t have faith, I just need this one thing. Please help me out, please listen to my prayers now. I’m sorry. I really want to live without this.

I think my brain growth or maturity or whatever was stunted when I was little, must've been honestly

Scared of losing a close friend rn I just wanna make him happy I hope he knows

post something

BRUH I need to get my life together but yes I will

also am thinking of adding a few new pages to make the site cuter

I worked so hard to make myself lunch, but now I worry there won't be any left for me...

I need to finish soon. I've gotten so.much progress done already but it's all going to be gone if I don't finish soon my stuff is downstairs I can do it

Workload and toffee

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, and not for any good reason, being entirely honest. Once summer school fizzled out of existence, the days have been blurring together; suddenly there’s only a week until real school starts up again.

I’ve been working a lot today, and, thanks to my unhealthy way of working for extended periods of time and not feeling any different than from lying in bed, am able to cram my entire online French summer course in the next five days. 

Although the work itself is mundane, taking a third-person view on the entire ordeal excites me. I’ve started to work like the kid I’ve always wanted to be: Hours at a desk, chewing gum or drinking genmatcha tea, sometimes picking up the phone and chatting while I work when one of my friends calls me. I’ve even found about 300 index cards to write down daily goals and to-do lists!

Feels weird to congratulate myself on this kind of work even though I don’t feel any different than when I’m not doing any work at all. It’s like this for pretty much all the work I do, which is confusing since it always takes me hours to start any tasks even though actually doing it is a walk in the park. I’ve heard that that’s a form of lingering depression, but being entirely honest, I don’t think I’m that depressed  anymore. And even if it is sticking around, I’ve already beaten it to the ground the first time. What’s another round than just adding to the pot?

I’ve really been feeling better as of today. Still not sure why. Maybe it’s because of the toffee I made for my sister and I yesterday? It’s so sweet and doesn’t go with my tea, but it’s just fine with my morning coffee. I guess I’ll get to the bottom of this soon. For now, it’s right around 03:00- so I probably have to sleep in order to continue grinding through my French course tomorrow.

Goodnight!!

<3 Caramel

3:35AM and Project A

I hope my short term manic obsessions aren't just my brain compensating for a ton of social problems I have

Because I think they're actually pretty cool sometimes and I'm actually planning to put my most recent obsession into action and I hope I hope I hope this is for real this could make me so happy but. I don't know.

For the record, though, I'm done being left at the mall bc people forget I'm with them

So maybe my problems are bc I get clingy to people who I shouldn't be

It's really late, though, so I'll be heading to bed for now, with sweet, sweet thoughts of my project!! :)))

<333 Caramel

It's been a while since I posted. School and family gatherings have made me very busy lately, so I haven't had much time, unfortunately (⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠) I miss you all dearly.

Qingming was just on Saturday, and the weather was perfect. The cherry blossoms were in season and beautiful!

This pond was so gorgeous, though I wish there was someone to take care of it— there was so much dirt and debris inside, and I couldn't see any of the fish I was so excited to feed...