At The Moment
At the moment
Dried mascara stains
Little marks on my legs, arms, and shoulders.
Numbers on the scale.
Numbers on my plate.
Tears in my eyes
Lists
So many lists
Things to do
Things to write
Words to say
Words that will never be spoken
People to talk to.
People to avoid.
Breathe in
Breathe out
Hold it in.
Suck it in.
Suck it up.
Walking on eggshells
It’s all so dirty.
Clothes on the floor.
Papers on my wall.
God can’t be found here.
Scrubbing my skin until I am raw all over
Ice cold showers.
Grades are dropping.
They are all leaving.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t do it.
Is this who I have become?
More Posts from Boxoflives and Others
pretty
What do I have to do?
Paper thin and delicate
(So far from me)
Thin little lines, not the ugly kind
Bones of glass
Skin like water
Hands that fit into another hand properly
Canyon gap between legs
Face soft and structured
(not me)
Starve?
Pray?
how am i going to get by how am i going to pay for so and so what am i going to do on my spare time so i can enjoy myself will i enjoy my life is it worth it to be alive is it worth it to go to work everyday
Old friend
I am so glad you are back
That you weren't gone for too long.
But I know it hurts.
The decision you made was hard, and I feel as though I don’t deserve it.
I don’t deserve to be the reason you chose to be happy.
The reason you chose to leave her.
It feels nice, I suppose.
Like coming home.
Like wrapping myself in an old quilt.
But it also feels like exactly what it is.
Coming back to an old friend.
cannibalized by my own jealousy
Envy consumes like a starving fire, Devouring all that's in its ire, Ripping apart what's not its own, Gnashing teeth, breaking bone.
Claws reach out to grab and shred, Leaving nothing but crimson red, Territorial in its gruesome feast, Not a scrap left for even the beast.
Digesting every ounce of worth, Leaving only an empty dearth, Jealousy spares no part or limb, Tearing apart even the strongest vim.
A monster within, hungry and vile, Feasting on envy, keeping it on trial, Until it has destroyed all in its path, Leaving just a carcass, in aftermath.
