Bucky: HELP! I TOLD Y/N I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!

Natasha: All of your existences are confusing.

The Team: How so?

Natasha: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.

Kate: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Peter: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Y/N?

Y/N: Probably “road work ahead”.

Bucky, confused af: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

Y/N: If you had to choose between Steve and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Bucky: That depends, how much money are we talking about?

Steve: Bucky!

Y/N: 63 cents.

Bucky: …I’ll take the money.

Steve: BUCKY!!!

Y/N, to Sam: My life is in the hands of an idiot!

Sam, motioning to himself and Bucky: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

Nat: *walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone*

Wanda: Hey, Nat, how was your day?

Nat: *picks up an onion and bites into it, staring at Wanda* Hell.

Y/N, watching this unfold: *whispers* Who hurt you?

*Y/N is talking about their past*

Y/N: I guess it was that day I came home to a cold, empty house, devoid of light and love, and I knew then that my sorrows would only grow.

Bucky: Y/N, this is the saddest life story I have ever heard! And you haven't even covered the teen years!

Steve: Oh, I'm sure it gets better!

Y/N: Ha! No, at eleven, things really took a turn for the worst.

Thor: I put the pun in punishment.

Ned: I put the top in unstoppable.

Peter: I put the cute in execute.

Y/N: I put the sexy in dyslexia.

MJ: I put the ass in class.

Loki: I put the D in Y/N.

Loki: We need to get through this locked door. Thor, give me your credit card.

Thor: Here.

Loki, pocketing it: Thanks. Y/N, kick down the door.

Store Worker: Would Miss Y/N L/N come to the front desk?

Y/N, arriving at the front desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: *points to Sam and Bucky*

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Sam and Bucky, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Y/N: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me—

A/N- For those of you that don’t remember…

Peter 1= Tom’s Peter

Peter 2= Tobey’s Peter

Peter 3= Andrew’s Peter

Y/N: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess.

Peter 3: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to?

Peter 1: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit.

Peter 2: Guys.