*The Squad Over At Steve’s House*

A/N-For those who don't remember which one is which, Tobey is Peter 2, Andrew is Peter 3, and Tom is Peter 1.

Peter 2: Y/N, you'll be working with Peter 3 and Peter 1.

Y/N: Alright! My fantasy threesome!

Everyone else: *blank stares*

Y/N: ...Of people on a team.

Stark!Reader: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it…

Tony: Just rip the bandage off.

Stark!Reader: It's Loki.

Tony: Put the bandage back on.

Y/N: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically.

Peter: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes.

Loki: Self care is stealing someones birthday cake just to eat the frosting.

Peter: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

Loki: What's that?

Peter: Chocolate.

Loki: What's chocolate?

Peter: Candy. Do they not have candy where you're from?

Loki: Yeah. Grapes, nuts.

Peter: No wonder you're so bitter.

Ned: Did you bring Y/N?

Shuri, gesturing to Peter: No, but I brought the next best thing.

Ned: Peter? The next best thing would be MJ.

Peter: I would be offended, but MJ is freakishly strong.

Bucky: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Sam: Not if they consent to it.

Y/N: Depends on who your stabbing.

Steve: YES??!!?

Peter: Your lover doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions.

Y/N: Your lover thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions.

MJ: Who's fucking caramelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?

Ned: Do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions.

Kate: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Peter: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Y/N?

Y/N: Probably “road work ahead”.

Bucky, confused af: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

Shuri: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Peter: 'Prettiest Smile'

Ned: 'Nicest Personality'

MJ: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Y/N: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'