Bruce: What Happened?!

Damian: Jon and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's-

Jon: Sentences.

Damian: Don't interrupt me.

Wally: How would you like your coffee?

Dick: As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Wally, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

Dick: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming

Barbara: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak

______________

Damian: I'm a reverse necromancer.

Carrie: Isn't that just killing people?

Damian: Ah, don’t sweat the details .

______________

Jason: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-

Dick: Twelve, actually.

Jason: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?

Dick: Yours!

Jason: That's right: no one's.

_______________

Damian: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Steph: I think you mean cards.

Damian, pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not.

________________

Store Worker: Would a Mr. Bruce Wayne please come to the front desk?

Bruce, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: points to the batkids

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Dick, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Bruce: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

__________________

Barbara: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

Luke: You people already know too much about me.

Tiffany: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

______________________

Tim: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it

Cullen: Just rip the bandage off.

Tim: It’s Kon.

Cullen: Put the bandage back on.

Kid!Dick, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Kid!Barbara,in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids

Bruce: what the fuck are you guys doing?

Kid!Barbara: playing systemic oppression

So this is how he gets his robins

Batman: Urban Legends #3 - “Cheer III” (2021)

written by Chip Zdarsky art by Eddy Barrows, Eber Ferreira, Jesus Merino, Marcus To, & Adriano Lucas

Wally : What are amphetamines?

Dick: Drugs that can go on land and water.

Wally : Ohhhh.

Luke : dad! My face is on fire!

Lucius: Luke ! Are you ok?!

Luke : Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.

Lucius : But your face is on fire.

Luke : Yes. It's much faster than shaving.

Bruce: Are you listening to me?

Robin Dick Grayson: *nods*

Bruce: What did I just say?

Robin dick Grayson: *nods*

Bruce: ...

Wally: You use humor to deflect your trauma.

Dick: Awww, thanks-

Wally: That’s not a good thing.

Dick: All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny.

Bart: What’s sexting?

Wally: I'm not having this conversation with you.